Ask El Vez

so lacklustre · Post by **so lacklustre** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 10:08 am

An Italian friend of mine used to say:

"To me a man who marries once it is a mystery, a man who marries twice is a bigamystery"

bambooneedle · Post by **bambooneedle** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 10:32 am

Would you want to marry someone who let you sleep with others or expect you to accept it when they do? I don 't.

Needing permission implies slavery, so no.

Would it change things for you?

I wouldn't want it (just thought I'd throw the question to you). But then I don't think I want any kind of bondage deal, ie. marriage. At least not the type where you stand there like an asshole and make a bunch of bullshit promises you don't really believe in ("I'll love you till death do us part" and all that. How could you know?) Someone on the Island board said something about a 'cohabitation agreement'... seems like a good idea. I've yet to inquire into it properly here, but intend to.

That (agreement), and agreeing on anything else with a girl, would be discussed first. Then you don't have to lie or ask permission. A lot would be hypothetical until then, but at least no false or unrealistic promises would be made or broken, either. If you split, you up and leave and don't leave a big mess (everything would have been discussed and stipulated in your contract prior). All in all I envision that it would make for a freer (and more feasible) union than a "marriage", because more realistic. If you don't make a contract of your own, and you split, the law takes over and you might get screwed.

Post by **BlueChair** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 12:05 pm

El Vez,

I'm hosting a party on Saturday night. What CD's can I play to ensure people won't want to leave?

oily slick · Post by **oily slick** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 1:49 pm

el vez,

where is OnlyGuessing?

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 2:32 pm

BlueChair wrote:El Vez,

I'm hosting a party on Saturday night. What CD's can I play to ensure people won't want to leave?

Good question! I would start out with some classic, 60's-era Motown. The Temptations or Smokey Robinson would be great icebreakers. The Four Tops can be a bit overwhelming with Levi Stubbs' earthy growl and Marvin Gaye might be a tad introspective for the early stages of a party.

Next, switching to more contemporary gears, you might try Norah Jones' Come Away With Me album or perhaps the new Liz Phair or White Stripes (when things pick up a little)

If the party looks like it's about to go full tilt, then I would suggestion putting on the Beastie Boys' Hello Nasty or the Bloodhound Gang's Hooray For Boobies....depending on how raucous it gets.

Winding down, I would suggest Astral Weeks, Joni Mitchell's Blue or Lucinda Williams' Essence.

Feel free to use or discard any of these suggestions.

Have a great party!

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 2:35 pm

oily slick wrote:el vez,

where is OnlyGuessing?

If I may borrow a common phrase uttered by our current commander-in-chief; I'll get some good people to look into that.

Jackson Doofster · Post by **Jackson Doofster** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 5:21 pm

What colour is the moon where you live ?

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 5:26 pm

Jackson Doofster wrote:What colour is the moon where you live ?

The same color as the Brighton girls.

....a little joke for Bluechair and any other amateur Dylanologists we have on the board.

Jackson Doofster · Post by **Jackson Doofster** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 5:40 pm

Brilliant answer !!!

Next question:

Why do snooty golf club members always wear too much salmon?

oily slick · Post by **oily slick** » Thu Jul 31, 2003 10:10 pm

i don't know, i'm getting squeamish. i think the answer to my question may have been obvious. and the answer to bluechair's question would appear to have been Golden Throats Volumes 1-3. i'll give it one more try though.

el vez,

who would win a fight between shirley manson and shelby lynne?

miss buenos aires · Post by **miss buenos aires** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 3:25 am

El Vez,

I love my husband very much, and most of the time we get along wonderfully, but his mother is a total witch! (To use a polite word!) She insists on coming over for lunch every Sunday, and she always makes me feel like my cooking isn't good enough. She insists that my husband thinks my cooking is "too greasy," and is always giving me recipes for "Johnny's favorite" something-or-other. To make matters worse, she spoils my children, and is always meddling in my relationship with them. I've tried to talk to my husband about this, but he doesn't want to listen. What can I do?

Martyred in Maryland

SweetPear · Post by **SweetPear** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 4:02 am

This thread is going along so well and i know I'm supposed to be asking ElVez a question.....but tell me guys and girls~
Why do you ask the question 'why can't Elvis stay married'?
Yeah, I know he's facing his third go around but.....the first time he was very young and had a child to be responsible for (circumstances I totally understand!) and the second lasted what, sixteen years? Wow, by today's standards, that's incredible.
And of course I have no idea but the reason I see #3 so close behind is the influence of being raised a Catholic. I think for various reasons, both good and bad, that has been a big influence in EC's life. I don't know, maybe it takes one to know one. For me, I see that connection running through a lot of his work. Mmmmm, maybe more the former than the latter.

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 7:54 am

miss buenos aires wrote:El Vez,

I love my husband very much, and most of the time we get along wonderfully, but his mother is a total witch! (To use a polite word!) She insists on coming over for lunch every Sunday, and she always makes me feel like my cooking isn't good enough. She insists that my husband thinks my cooking is "too greasy," and is always giving me recipes for "Johnny's favorite" something-or-other. To make matters worse, she spoils my children, and is always meddling in my relationship with them. I've tried to talk to my husband about this, but he doesn't want to listen. What can I do?

Martyred in Maryland

Martyred in Maryland,

I'm very sorry to hear that you're a poor excuse for a cook. It also pains me that you clearly are not giving your children the time and attention they deserve. Perhaps this is why fair Timmy is making straight C's on his report card? As for attempting to meddle in the sanctity of the mother-son relationship, I can only say that I am glad your husband (an angel, I'm sure) shows better horse sense than you, my dear. Reading between the lines, I also suspect you are not satisfying him in bed. The only advice I can give you is to pack your bags in the middle of the night and leave. It is obvious that you are a burden on those too thoughtful and considerate to bring the matter into the light.

signed,
Johnny's Mo...*ahem*cough*....El Vez

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 7:56 am

oily slick wrote:i don't know, i'm getting squeamish. i think the answer to my question may have been obvious. and the answer to bluechair's question would appear to have been Golden Throats Volumes 1-3. i'll give it one more try though.

el vez,

who would win a fight between shirley manson and shelby lynne?

Shelby Lynne. That woman has seen some serious shit go down in her life.

XOXOX,
El Vez

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 8:00 am

Jackson Doofster wrote:Brilliant answer !!!

Next question:

Why do snooty golf club members always wear too much salmon?

Perhaps.....because.....well, you see....

*Door flings open*
*Sound of El Vez's feet hitting the pavement*
*Turns ignition, peels out of driveway*

......so there you have it, friend!

all the best,
El Vez

oily slick · Post by **oily slick** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 4:45 pm

HOOONNNKKK the correct answer would seem to be a question: "Really, what difference does it make?" i'm goin' over to the "ask a rope leash" thread.

laughingcrow · Post by **laughingcrow** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 5:17 pm

El Vez

Do you dye your hair? Your locks seem suspiciously youthful.

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 5:59 pm

laughingcrow wrote:El Vez

Do you dye your hair? Your locks seem suspiciously youthful.

Only my hairdresser knows for sure!

idle hands · Post by **idle hands** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 6:02 pm

Dear El Vez,
any chance to see you play here in Santiago??? you can stay at my place if you like...

A rope leash · Post by **A rope leash** » Fri Aug 01, 2003 11:41 pm

Oil, just don't ask me about golf. I could bite.

pip_52 · Post by **pip_52** » Sat Aug 02, 2003 12:01 am

El Vez, who is "You Bowed Down" about?

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Sun Aug 03, 2003 11:36 am

idle hands wrote:Dear El Vez,
any chance to see you play here in Santiago??? you can stay at my place if you like...

If you restocked your freezer with veggie sausage links more often I just might!

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Sun Aug 03, 2003 11:39 am

pip_52 wrote:El Vez, who is "You Bowed Down" about?

Have you seen the documentary film Capturing The Friedmans? I think that film answers your question much better than any paltry explanation I can cough up.

ice nine · Post by **ice nine** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 11:08 am

Dear El,

I usually never write letters like this. I have been reading Swank over the years and one day my girlfriend answered the door dressed as a........ sorry, wrong letter

Nevermind.

laughingcrow · Post by **laughingcrow** » Tue Aug 05, 2003 7:30 pm

El Vez,

Why is a Raven like a writing desk?

Elvis Costello Fan Forum

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