Random Thoughts

Boy With A Problem · Post by **Boy With A Problem** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 9:15 am

Does anyone in television have a more disturbing face than Larry King?.....whenever I'm at a state fair I can't resist the corn dog stand......Was anybody else as surprised as I was that gay marriage was just legalized in Spain? Major props to the socialist government for getting this through in an extremely catholic country - though the Catalonian lisp seems to have foreshadowed this....the Terry Gross interview with Rob Halford was pretty amusing last week - just what is in Terry's sexual closet (bobster?)?......I jumped the shark with my feathered back haircut in 8th grade......I wish we had a urinal in the men's room at work.......Why doesn't Jesse Jackson worry about the racial stereotyped fictional characters in the U.S. like Wahoo Sam or Speedy Gonzalez?....Kenny Rogers and Lou Pinella have the largest heads in the history of Major League Baseball....Wreckless Eric's autobiography is a hoot.....I'm fascinated by the prison documentaries on the Discover Channel...I'm 41; shouldn't I stop getting pimples?.....Faye Dunaway sure was fetching in Bonnie and Clyde.....whenever I have a cold I tend to overmedicate......hate the nazis, but admire the uniforms - similar opinion of the Oakland Raiders....one of life's secret joys is waking up with an erection...it's the moving walkway not the moving standway, so get out of my fucking way...I like the black licorice way better than the red licorice.....Boy George has a nice singing voice, but that's all he's got going for him....if I was in charge of Cricket I would have the teams alternate at-bats after a set number of overs......the 4th of July really isn't celebrated in England....I've never heard either my father or my wife fart...Tom Cruise is gay...This new pope is much more low profile than the old pope...I didn't initially get the Dr. Spooky joke either, I thought he must have been really big before the divorce....telemarketers in the UK are much less persistent than in the US, but the shopping carts (trolleys) are much worse...did Melissa Joan Hart have a baby? I thought I saw the headline but didn't read the story, if she did it's just another thing that makes me feel old...I'd eliminate the shoot-out in Soccer and go to sudden death overtime...beer from a bottle tastes better than beer from a can...the war in Iraq has been badly mismanaged...I like the smell of Irish Spring, but I think it's too harsh on my skin...Has there ever been a character on tv that's as simultaneously funny and scary as Paulie Walnuts?....one gun, one bullet; Sean Hannity...If I were to move to Canada I'd want to live in Kamloops or Medicine Hat....I fly off the handle whenever I step in dogshit or try to find parking in Cambridge (Massachusetts)...I was told to remove my baseball cap in a dodgy pub last weekend...we're getting a much needed rest from Jack Black and David Spade vehicles...Aquaman was a pretty weak superhero....I always thought the majorettes were sexier than the cheerleaders....I like Texas....the people in my office take the piss out the Americans by saying "Good Job" to each other in Tracy Ullmanized American accents....I bet Steve Miller isn't usually recognized by fans in the street....pot noodles are pretty handy to bring to work and leave in your desk...old fat guys, Fidel Castro and guys that look like Fidel Castro can get away with smoking cigars, everyone else looks pretentious...looking at records or books in a record or book store used to make me need to poop; not so much anymore....it used to annoy me that the Harlem Globetrotters would always get away with cheating in the second half of their games in the cartoon, clearly the cartoon refs had their cartoon fingers up their cartoon asses....El Vez would be fun to get drunk with....least favorite song of all-time might be "Lady" by Styxx...As good as Burgess Meredith was in Rocky; he's always the Penguin to me...I'm sure This Years Model was the first Elvis and the Attractions record,

Who Shot Sam? · Post by **Who Shot Sam?** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 9:27 am

LMAO. A Larry King USA Today column from a parallel dimension!

Goody2Shoes · Post by **Goody2Shoes** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 12:36 pm

You're funny, BWAP!

Post by **spooky girlfriend** » Fri Jul 01, 2005 12:45 pm

I agree with Goody. Very funny, BWAP.

Who Shot Sam? · Post by **Who Shot Sam?** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 7:31 am

My daughter just informed me that China is Jewish. Apparently her half Brazilian/half Korean Jewish boyfriend Daniel brought this to her attention.

miss buenos aires · Post by **miss buenos aires** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 8:23 am

Maybe she meant Chinese food.

Who Shot Sam? · Post by **Who Shot Sam?** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 8:25 am

Ah, yes, that must be it!

Mike Boom · Post by **Mike Boom** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 12:24 pm

if I was in charge of Cricket I would have the teams alternate at-bats after a set number of overs

They do! Its called one day cricket , or limited overs cricket.

bobster · Post by **bobster** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 1:43 pm

miss buenos aires wrote:Maybe she meant Chinese food.

Chinese food is, in fact, very Jewish -- in the sense that for reasons mysterious and known not even to the authors of the Talmud, we Jews love the stuff.

There is even a movement to declare all meats, including pork and shellfish, kosher as they long they are flavored with sesame oil.

Or maybe she was talking about the small Jewish communities rumored to be in China. There's an old story about a visit by a European delgation of Jews to a community of Chinese Jews who had been intermarrying for numerous generations with native Chinese. When the head of the Chinese Jewish community met the the European, the European said.

"Hello, I have come as the representative of European Jewry."

"Funny," said the leader of Chinese Jewry, "you don't look Jewish."

bambooneedle · Post by **bambooneedle** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 3:39 pm

if I was in charge of Cricket I would have the teams alternate at-bats after a set number of overs

Good idea. After 25 overs would be good. So in effect two innings per team, same as 'test cricket' (only completely different).

Other ideas:

-Make each team reverse their batting order for the second innings.
-Allow only 7 wickets per innings - the batsmen with, say, 2 compulsory bowlers (including the wicketkeeper), gambling on which bowlers, prior.

-No excessive ball rubbing, it's in bad taste.

-They should dispense with the ridiculous colour co-ordination and of still way too conservative cuts. Leading to:

-Internationalize the game more. Might seem hard, that people would adjust to a very English game. But, they don't have to. Hire an intelletual team to develop a hypnotic tv coverage and commentary style attracting more of the world's tv-viewing population with all sorts of topical banter (away with the stiff, dull, falsely polite "reserved" aspect of the current and traditional establishment and its colonial roots), uproot the game and tart it up wholesomely.

so lacklustre · Post by **so lacklustre** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 3:55 pm

Mike Boom wrote:
if I was in charge of Cricket I would have the teams alternate at-bats after a set number of overs
They do! Its called one day cricket , or limited overs cricket.

What he means is in a 50 over one day match teamA has 25 overs then teamB has 25 overs then back to teamA etc.

He came up with this after I introduced him to the noble game (not so noble actually, it was a 20/20 match). Sounds too baseballish to me!! Bloody yanks, come over here, steal our women drink our beer and want to change our sports after seeing one game blah blah blah

I think that the NFL should do away with defence/offence and just have 11 players on the pitch continuously, and no fucking time outs. This way the game would flow a bit more. Although they wouldn't sell as may hot dogs.

NBA should ban all players over 5'7".

I'll just have another drink.

Boy With A Problem · Post by **Boy With A Problem** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 5:12 pm

WSS wrote:

My daughter just informed me that China is Jewish

A couple of years ago I got into a bit of a disagreement over the same thing with a friend of mine in a Chinese restaurant in Boston. We came up with the idea of having our waiter settle the argument; so I asked the waiter if they had Chinese Jews. He told to me to hold on and he'd check. A few minutes later he came and told us they had orange juice, grapefruit juice and cranberry juice - but no Chinese Jews.

I think I'll go and have another drink now.

Post by **spooky girlfriend** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 6:55 pm

It's just evening here now, so I think I will start drinking.

Mike Boom · Post by **Mike Boom** » Sun Jul 03, 2005 8:52 pm

What he means is in a 50 over one day match teamA has 25 overs then teamB has 25 overs then back to teamA etc.

ahhh, I see.
And they should call the teams things like - Nottinghamshire Devils too!

verbal gymnastics · Post by **verbal gymnastics** » Mon Jul 04, 2005 9:05 am

BWAP - Tom Cruise is gay? But he looks so genuinely in love with his latest beau...

Jackson - Stay alive!

miss buenos aires · Post by **miss buenos aires** » Mon Jul 04, 2005 12:31 pm

Fun with anagrams:

Katie Holmes=Tom likes a he

And no, I did not come up with that.

El Vez · Post by **El Vez** » Mon Jul 04, 2005 12:39 pm

Jonatan Mostow was originally set to direct The Hulk and Ang Lee was going to helm Terminator 3 before they decided to switch. Would either movie have turned out any better if they had stuck to their original projects?

bobster · Post by **bobster** » Mon Jul 04, 2005 6:46 pm

Hmm. Mostow might well have made a more traditional, yet more taut, "Hulk", so I guess that's a mild yes. I'm a big fan of Ang's, and his "T-3" would have been a gently humorous and thoughtfully romantic Terminator film...."Term and Termability"

miss buenos aires · Post by **miss buenos aires** » Wed Jul 06, 2005 9:59 am

I'm getting my first wisdom tooth in! But feel no wiser. Just slightly sore about the gums.

invisible Pole · Post by **invisible Pole** » Fri Jul 08, 2005 12:04 pm

Jim Broadbent playing Don Speekingleesh, an Interpreter, in "The Black Adder I" is one of the funniest things I've seen in my life.

"I wish to embrace you in my broad thighs"
"Aah, you dress like a Spanish man to delight me"

Who Shot Sam? · Post by **Who Shot Sam?** » Fri Jul 08, 2005 3:44 pm

Do polyurethane fumes do permanent damage to your brain? I've been sitting in my office this afternoon overpowered by the scent of our newly-refinished hardwood kitchen floor - would love to open a window but it's raining cats and dogs.

Kind of getting used to it now.

Embarrassing admission - I drank turpentine when I was a baby and had to be rushed to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. I think I secretly like the smell of chemicals (and the taste I suppose, though I don't remember too well what turpentine does to the old palate).

bobster · Post by **bobster** » Fri Jul 08, 2005 4:32 pm

When I was a kid I actually thought gasoline smelled kind of good.

However, now in full adulthood, I find that the bloom is off that particular rose. Oh, the exuberance of youth.

Mr. Average · Post by **Mr. Average** » Fri Jul 08, 2005 5:08 pm

The smell of gasoline is evocative of a a great series of memories of youth, all surrounding Roy Hudson's Phillip 66 filing station just down the road from my house. Roy or his son's had to pump the gas, because the idea of self serve would have been an absurd notion. "Are you kidding me???...29 cents a gallon???...this is MADNESS" my dad would argue as my six brothers and sisters and I would snicker in our wood-paneled Ford station wagon with the staggered seats (I got to sit in the "way-back" because I was second oldest!).

Mr Hudson sold bicycle tire patch kits for 29 cents and had a pop machine (RC Cola, TAB, Bargs Orange, Root Beer, and Creme Soda, and Vernors Ginger Ale) and a candy machine that, I swear, contained the best "Chuckles" money could by. They just tasted better out of Roy's machine.

Whenever I get a good huff of gasoline, the memories flood back, and I find myself missing my deceased father and reminiscing of those wonderful times growing up with my three brothers and my three sisters...I love 'em all so very much.

By the way, Mom was barefoot and pregnant at home most of the time, doing laundry and preparing meals, so she is part of a whole different set of beautiful memories, equally wonderful but, fortunately, not involving the smell of gasoline. More like spaghetti and grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Goody2Shoes · Post by **Goody2Shoes** » Fri Jul 08, 2005 7:51 pm

Whereas Mr. Average "got to" sit in the way-back, I "had to" sit in the way-back.

I like onions, but they don't like me.

ice nine · Post by **ice nine** » Sat Jul 09, 2005 1:47 am

I am a sucker for songs with an acoustic guitar accompanied by a cello.