Satan's Meeting II: Electric Boogaloo

[El Vez]

My girlfriend's dad came by our house the other day and dropped off an obituary column for us to read because it was such a doozy. I thought I'd pass this gem on to you guys.....grammatical errors in tact, of course.

MONA CAPLEY

Mona Capley, adoptive daughter of Mr. & Mrs. Richard Dalton Howell and friend and sister in God's Family went home to be with Jesus September 11, 2003. Mr. & Mrs. Howell adopted Mona and her young son Bryan in 1989. They were living in Sunbright, Tennessee, but wanted to move to Maryville to be close to the Howells. Ms. Capley was a special ed. type young lady who was crushed inwardly and experienced many trials...mentally...physically...and spiritually. A the time, the Howells met Ms. Capley, there seemed to be no hope for her and the young child, but God became the hope and the anchor of their souls.

Ms. Capley was a precious child: she was not perfect but she had a heart of gold. She did not always take the counsel of the Howells but the Howells loved her and only believed and prayed the best for her and her son. Mona gave her heart to Jesus in the early nineties; she soon after joined River of Life Church in Maryville, Tennessee. She entered the Living Mannah School of Ministries and graduated in two years. She recognized that God was the source of all miracles. Mona never accomplished all that many people felt she should accomplish, but the Howells believed that God accomplished much in her. Unexpectedly on September 11, 2003 in the afternoon Ms. Capley got on the bus to Heaven's eternal shores. Some felt she was just not strong in God but we knew in this child's weaknesses, God's power was made whole. She entered the Howell's lives lost and confused. She entered Heaven's gates More Than A Conqueror! There were times "no man cared for her soul," but she sat as Jesus' feet clothed and in her right mind. Ms. Capley was not perfect, but Jesus was perfected in her. She dances and sings with the angels of Heaven today. She is free! One of her main prayers among many was that she would live and be mentally strong to see her child through high school with a diploma. Bryan, her son graduated in the year 2000. This young woman never preached a great revival but when she lived, she represented the grace, mercy, kindness, and longsuffering of God. The life she lived and her trust in God "preached a sermon" the Howells would never forget. If you knew her, her life would make you want to cry out to God for God's forgiveness for complaining.

Schubert Funeral Home of Sunbright, Tennessee wil have the arrangements of this very special family friend. Friends and family will be greeted at 11:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. today at the First Baptist Church of Sunbright, Tennessee. The funeral will be at 12:00 p.m. at the church. In lieu of flowers, gifts can be made to More Than Conqueror's Ministries, 209 Deer Run Dr., Maryville to help finalize her estate and assist Bryan, her son, to buy school clothes and help in college costs. The Howells can be reached at (865) 977-8571

_____________________________________________________________

It might be amusing for those reading this obituary to know that Mr. Richard Dalton Howell has been brought up on DUI charges on no less than four seperate occassions along with one count of soliciting a male prostitute. More Than A Conqueror's Ministries is his own creation.

[A rope leash]

I'm sure St. Peter will have to read this, and consult with God before opening the gates for this person of questionable integrity.

My obit headline: Avowed Agnostic Probably Goes to Hell.

[bobster]

I like the "bus" to heaven line. My obit headline:

"Doubtful Secular Jew with Zen/Panthiest/Pagan Leanings Hitches SST to the Fiery Furnace"

BTW: My version of paganism is the one where one worships "Willow" from "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" (Hi, Poppet!)

[noiseradio]

I think this is not a thing to mock. Whatever hypocricy obviously exists with Mr. Howell, and however you may feel about the writer's faith, this is an obituary, sincerely written to mourn the passing of his daughter. Bad grammar or no, it's highly insensitive to ridicule this. If the writer were Muslim, with bad grammar, remembering his adoptive daughter and resting assured that she was safe in the hands of Allah, you wouldn't likely be so glib. Even if he was no saint. Or whatever the Muslim equivalent of a saint is.

[stormwarning]

You're right that we wouldn't mock a Muslim obituary, but that's only because our lack of understanding of this faith would make us uncomfortable doing so. What strikes me is that this women was already in her mid-twenties and the mother of a 6-7 year old child at the time of her adoption. Is that commonplace in the States ?

Which reminds me. When I was a kid I had an obituary cutting from my local newspaper, that my dad had given to me. It was only the standard 4-line obit, but they'd managed to mistype 'the very dear husband of.." and replace it with "the very dead husband of..". I assume the widow eventually saw the funny side of it.

[BlueChair]

Okay, I need to share this now... it's worth typing up (I think):

I have this pinned up on my bulletin board:

RIBS GRAY (KATHGO's KANADIAN KLONDIKE, CDX)

On July 29th our beloved dog "Ribs", aged 13, died after emergency surgery in Mitchell, Ontario. Born "Kathgo's Kanadian Klondike" (CKC reg. WN852191) in Badjeros, Ontario, July 1st, 1989 Ribs came into our life in May '91 after he was given up by his original family. Although he was sick, frightened and lonely we could tell he was a good dog. With many years of love and hard work, Ribs was able to erase the ugly prejudices others held against him, and he attended school at the Credit Valley Kennel Club, and the Brampton Obedience school. Ribs finished at the top of his class in "novice" and "open" and went on to earn his CD and CDX titles with top honours. He took many big obedience trials, some under adverse conditions, winning two "H.I.T's" in Oakville, and two in Barrie. In 1996 the CKC declared Ribs the third smartest German Shepherd in Canada, and in the top ten of all herding breeds, with very limited trialing. We will remember him for his love of sports, the way he talked to us: "Wooo woooooo!!!", his elegant prance that held everyone in awe, his expressive tail, the way he'd make us move over so he could sit on the couch too, the way he'd watch and protect us. Most of all, we will remember him for his boundless love of life and the happiness he was able to achieve after being pulled from such sorry circumstances. He was an inspiration to us all. We are so glad to have shared our life with you, Ribs. Good bye, dear friend! We love you so much. You were one in a million! You will be missed by all of us: Brian, Giuseppe, Queenie, Robert, Josie, Tex (who is sniffing all over the house for you) and your cousin Hayley. Funeral at Ribs' country place in Fullarton, Ontario on Friday August 2. (xxx) (xxx-xxxx). Interment: On the front lawn under the walnut tree. In lieu of flowers, please make a donation in Ribs' name to your favourite dog rescue organization or humane society.

[A rope leash]

I can see what you're saying, Noise.

In my travels around the USA, I've noted that obituaries vary greatly in style from region to region. Obits in my local paper are not anything like this one, (they're just simple, short bios), but I've read ones like this in other parts of the country, mostly in the south.

What I thought was odd about this one, aside from the fact that she seems to have been adopted as an adult, is the implication that she may not have been the godliest of people, and the writer of this obit seems to be trying to make excuses for her. It's like he's saying she's wasn't as bad as she appeared to be, almost like a character witness in a trial would do.

I personally don't see anything odd about the dog obit. Ribs sounds like he was quite worthy, possibly more so than Mona.

(Okay, Noise, I'll shut up now...)

[noiseradio]

I don't disagree that several aspects of the obit are really odd to me. I don't get a lot of things about it. But it seems like a sincere expression of loss, that's all. Maybe the guy's a drunk and likes male prostitutes. Perhaps his theology doesn't line up with mine at all. And maybe adopting an adult is the oddest thing I've heard all week (close, at least). It's stilla death. If it were my family, I wouldn't appreciate jokes. And I'm sure there are some to be made about my family.

In regards to not making fun of Muslims because we wouldn't be comfortable doing so, does that mean that the ultimate goal of learning more about other people's cultures and faiths is to feel comfortable making light of them?

[A rope leash]

I'd say the ulitmate goal in learning about other cultures and faiths would be to learn about ourselves.

[bobster]

I think it's always easier and even laudable to criticize those who you know and are close to than those who aren't. That way you know what it is you're dealing with.

(Like the way I take to task Jews for all kinds of things with a fervor I would never use towards Christians -- mainline Christians, anyhow. But even there the relationship is closer since I actually know a tiny little bit about Christianity -- more than some nominals Christians I know, I've been surprised to find.)

I don't think it's laughable that the woman died, or even the grammatical errors. (Which I kind of expect.) What bothered me about the article is more what it didn't say than what it did. And the assumption that being "saved" somehow completely erased whatever the heck it was that the woman (and by extension her questionable preacher) did -- but then this is an old Jewish criticism of certain aspects of Christianity. Of course the flip side being that even the most saintly person who doesn't happen to espouse the precise religious formulation will be sent to eternal torture. This is devine justice?

Actually, Randy Newman (a fellow secular Jew -- actually an atheist), deals with this really brilliantly on his "Faust" record.

[A rope leash]

Where would stand-up comedy be if we couldn't make fun of others?

Years ago I found one of those Baptist tract phamplet in a rest room. It told the story of two soldiers, one godly, the other agnostic. By the ending, the Christian soldier commited a mortal sin (it might have been killing), and was unable to ask forgiveness before being blown to smithers, and therefore to Hell.

The agnostic asked Jesus for forgiveness just seconds before getting blasted away. Result: Heaven.

That's how I've always seen Christianity. I guess these "last rites" prayers couldn't do any harm.

I've always seen Judiasm as a sort of limbo. I don't know why.

I need to check out Randy's Faust

[noiseradio]

I think that tract is as far removed as possible from my faith. How funny.

[bobster]

Well, I doubt a rabbi would agree, but Judaism is a sort of limbo in terms of the afterlife, since there's no particular line on it.

Rabbis have argued that they're might be a ressurrection (that's why at least some groups of orthodox Jews won't donate organs -- they might need those eyeballs later on!) heaven/hell, reincarnation, or nothing at all! (Seems to me that, if God actually exists, it would be mighty niggardly of him to give us afterlife, but then that's God for ya!)