Trainspotting and Arsenal ...............(footie fans only)

[Jackson Doofster]

Choose Arsenal.

Choose overbearing arrogance.

Choose systematic dirty play and calling it "competitiveness".

Choose the most staged, contrived, up-your-own-arses goal celebrations ever witnessed.

Choose having the ugliest man on earth as your centre-back and the second ugliest as your manager.

Choose drawing 99% Of your fanbase from the ranks of the suburban english middle classes.

Choose patrick viera whinging about having to play too much football even though he gets six games' rest every season due to suspensions.

Choose paying £9 million for francis jeffers. Choose being "the Bank of England Club".

Choose dennis bergkamp and his carefully timed elbows into the side of the head.

Choose deliberately disrespecting and belittling the other team by playing keepy-uppy in their half with a few minutes to go.

Choose forcing merchandise vendors out of business because they might deprive you of a couple of hundred quid on match days.

Choose fancying yourselves as better than Real Madrid, then having Inter or Auxerre run rings around you at home.

Choose Sol campbell continually tripping over himself. Choose turning the sports section of the observer into a gunners fanzine.

Choose getting away with light or delayed punishments at FA disciplinary hearings because you've had every possible string pulled by david dein.

Choose a persecution complex nonetheless and never shut up about it.

Choose gamesmanship.

Choose embarrassing yourselves in a Renault "va-va-voom" ad and then disgracing yourselves further at the world cup finals.

Choose david seaman and his public mid-life crisis.

Choose watching an opponent miss a last-minute penalty against you, then running after him and jeering him.

Choose george graham grinding his way to the dullest championship win of all time.

Choose stepping forward in a four-man line with your right hands all raised in the air, then screaming abuse at the linesman when he has the audacity to keep his flag down.

Choose to see yourselves as one of the giants of continental Football when you've never even reached a european cup semi-final in your entire history.

Choose picking ray parlour for over a decade.

Choose having the quietest stadium in the world ("the library" as your home ground. even quieter than Old 'Corporate' Trafford

Choose having nick hornby as the mouthpiece of your supporters.

Choose making umpteen lists of reasons why arsenal are so great, and then admitting you didn't bother following them for a few years in the 1980s when they were getting shite results.

Choose tony adams coming out with his usual dreary "i am a Recovering addict" spiel every time a premiership footballer blots his Copy-book.

Choose pretending that five or six years of playing in a 'watchable' fashion makes up for inflicting over a century of ultra-defensive dogshit on english football watchers.

Choose igor stepanovs, nelson vivas,
Kanu, pascal cygan, davor suker, gilles grimandi, david grondin, remi garde, Kaba diawara, junichi inamoto, jeremie aliadiere, oleg luzhny, luis boa Morte, richard wright, stefan malz, christopher wreh, and all the other Turkeys that nobody ever mentions when creaming themselves about how great Wenger is in the transfer market.

Choose treacherous ex-Spurs defenders who'd sell their grandmother to a pimp for a few quid

Choose 58 red cards in seven years.

Choose lying to the media that you didn't see a single one of the incidents that caused all these red cards.

Choose being a bunch of smug, self-regarding wankers (with the exception of that nice So Lack Lustre) who are well on their way to being even more unpopular than man utd in less than half the time.

Choose Arsenal

[laughingcrow]

Doof wrote:

Choose igor stepanovs, nelson vivas,
Kanu, pascal cygan, davor suker, gilles grimandi, david grondin, remi garde, Kaba diawara, junichi inamoto, jeremie aliadiere, oleg luzhny, luis boa Morte, richard wright, stefan malz, christopher wreh, and all the other Turkeys that nobody ever mentions when creaming themselves about how great Wenger is in the transfer market.

...damn straight. The pro-Wenger's bum media like Woolnough and Harris never seem to mention these players. I even saw a programme on Sky saying that Wenger was comparable to Ferguson...wot a joke!


you missed some though....

Choose to call Sol Campbell your rock when he's the most overrated defender in Europe.

Choose to build a new ground far away from your original fanbase, and then make more seats than you have fans.

Choose buying so many average foreigners that all your good kids from the youth team get sold off to Reading and Crsytal Palace cos of lack of chances (one even plays in Primera Liga now...Jay Bothroyd of the throwing shirt down fame)

[Otis Westinghouse]

Choose being a bunch of smug, self-regarding wankers (with the exception of that nice So Lack Lustre)

Despite the noble attempt at making clear this wasn't personal, I don't think SLL is going to enjoy this one too much! I laughed from top to bottom, and boy ddid it last for a satisfyingly long time. A lifetime of being a Spurs fan put into one post! It was like reading through Tramp The Dirt Down. One comment: I've always rather fancied Arsene Wenger myself. Isn't there something oddly sexy about him? Birdlike, I grant you. Ascetic and rock-hewn, but loveable. Do his friends call him Arse?

[girl out of time]

...all i know is that i choose Therry Henry! he is (by far) the best striker of today.....

[so lacklustre]

Saw something akin to this earlier this year doing the email rounds (sent to me by my Chelsea supporting brother), some of it is mildly amusing, most is just sour grapes and the rest is just malicious and is too low to respond to.

[Gillibeanz]

Doof - lemme get this straight - you dont like the Arse then????

[so lacklustre]

A dedication to to Mr Monk in response to his

Trainspotting and Arsenal ...............(footie fans only)

thread (even though I said it wasn't worth responding.)




Your Pretty Words are tinged with Tart
You certainly know How To be Dumb
I Hope You're Happy Now
You've had your Seconds Of Pleasure
I'm not Angry, You Little Fool
You Little Savage, you Mouth Almighty
You must have had a Gloomy Sunday
Maybe you went to Charm School
Still, I Want You to admit
That you're a Boy With A Problem
You Pump It Up, show All The Rage
And you have no Alibi (did you ever have a pony?)

I Want (you) To Vanish
I'm In The Mood Again
Love & Vicious Kisses

Goon Squad

[Jackson Doofster]

Very good. I was going to write a detective story (with a predictable title) using hidden EC lyrics at one point. Never seemed to get round to it....